“The freedom to do your best means nothing unless you are willing to do your best.”- Colin Powell
Using courage, I let go of fear and I found a path to liberation. Through my analysis, I discovered I was too dependent on outside affairs that I didn’t see the terror that was growing inside of me. By not over-analyzing and becoming aware of where I was to blame, I found that I did not need to be fixed. Instead, what I found was a need to be aware that my actions and words have consequences. By doing so, I have found compassion for others and myself. I found serenity. I found my true self.
After discovering my true self, I found integrity with my motivations and actions by embracing them. They were my dark shadows and I was sharing them with God and another person. By doing so, I was able to put down my judgement of others. I went to bed with a clear conscious. I no longer believe that I needed to be punished by looking at my shadows. I needed to embrace them as they helped form who I am. I needed to accept them and move on. I’m finding as I move on that I want to live a life of truth aligned with my moral principles. I’ve examined my beliefs and values and have decided that what I really enjoy and love is to communicate with others through verbal and written words (this is me being vulnerable with you). I want to talk to people about my experiences. I no longer want to be careless with my words. I want my speech to empower. Why do I want this? To be remembered by my acts of kindness and good deeds. I want my children to think of me when they think of integrity. Ultimately, I want to lead by example—be the change I want to see in the world.
By discovering my longing for integrity, I knew I had to change. My intention was to make a new turn in my life; make a new reality. Meaning, I had to really want it. This made me uncomfortable because I was so used to my old way—self-inflicted suffering—that it seemed like a sacrifice to make that new turn. This new path seemed drastic, but there was a shining star over that path that caught my eye. It looked familiar, and as I squinted, I could make it out. It resembled something that I knew. I had seen this light somewhere before. But where? And when? Then it clicked. That shining star was the broken pieces in my life. They were my shining comfort lighting my way in this new reality. These pieces were a glorious reminder and later an indispensable tools to help others who still suffer. They would help me to make friends again, spend time with family without feeling uncomfortable and gladly lend my time to my community with empathy. It is these broken pieces that helped shape who I am today. By sacrificing my old habits and by having God remove my defects, He would be able to restore me (broken pieces and all) to sanity. He has provided me with abundance and my life is full; full of love, happiness, raw emotions and gratitude, to name a few.
My mother once told me to live my life like each day is a separate life. Basically, life is scarce and we need to make each day the best day. I believe that I am in love with the miracle that is life and I need to savor and put value to every second because tomorrow is never promised. I will take what I have learned from life so far, along with my broken and shiny pieces, and move forward in life one day at a time.
What are your thoughts on courage, integrity and willingness?
Thank you for reading.