“For the Lord gives wisdom; from his mouth come knowledge and understanding…” – Proverbs 2:6
About a year ago, I had a hard time understanding the wisdom of God. I always believed in Him, but never understood why things happened the way they did (well, I still don’t, but I’ve learned that I don’t need to understand as there’s a greater purpose as to why these things happen).
Here’s an example of how I understand God’s wisdom now:
The other day I was mocked by a man for my faith in God. Immediately after being mocked I thought about my Grandmother June, and the feelings I felt when she passed away from lung cancer when I was 10 years old. Somehow, it felt like a connection. Like I was given this memory of my grandmother to understand this man.
To explain a little further, I was very close to my Grandma June. She was an amazing grandmother. I loved her so dearly. I pleaded with my Mom to find a doctor that could fix my grandmother. My Mom told me it would be impossible as the cancer was progressive and spread to both lungs already. She said there was no hope. My Dad told me there would have to be a miracle to save her.
Almost immediately I thought about pleading to God. Every day after I found out my grandmother had cancer I prayed to God that a cure for her cancer would be found. Six months later there was no cure and she was taken away from me, abruptly, only an hour before her next birthday. I cried and cried and cried. I just didn’t understand the wisdom behind her having to leave us. I heard many say about my brothers and I, “A child should never have to experience death at such a young age.” Hearing that made me feel like it never happened and my family was singled out (I was young and unaware).
I was saddened by this loss I felt. I held God responsible for that death and waited for Him to explain it to me. I really didn’t know how to listen to Him that early on. So, I held a grudge (out of disappointment) against Him for a very, very long time (I still believed in Him, but I was confused from experiencing my first death).
Over this past year, I learned to let it go and to ask for forgiveness from Him for holding on to this resentment for so long. Oh, the feeling I got when I asked for forgiveness was pure comfort. I felt like I was again in his light of love and protection (I always was, but it was such an indescribable feeling to ask for forgiveness). I felt tingly all over as if He were giving me a hug, reassuring me that everything will be okay.
I am actually quite ashamed of this resentment, but I’m sharing it with you today in the hopes it helps someone out there.
Now, back to that man that mocked my faith, I’ve been praying for him for the past few days. Praying and praying and praying. I’ve even asked my children to pray for him. My prayer is, “God, please help this man. Help him to understand your wisdom. Also, help me understand him.”
Well, this morning that man told me why he mocked my faith. He told me that he lost his mother to cancer at the age of 6. He, too, waited for an answer from God. He never understood why God would do this to his family. Eventually, he stopped believing in God and anything greater than himself. He told me the reason being that he never got an answer. I keep thinking, “Well, maybe, like me, he didn’t know how to listen.”
I now see that God spoke to me the moment that man mocked me and also this morning (I just didn’t realize it until I had all the pieces to the puzzle this morning). First, God was showing me a way into this man’s reaction of my faith by reminding me of my past feelings of the loss of my grandmother and resentment towards God. He was showing me that there are others out there that have had a loved one pass that lost faith in Him. Second, He was showing me that I need to have compassion for this man and others that mock my faith.
I’m on the fence about telling this man about my grandmother. I feel like I should in a way, but I don’t want to be mocked any further. I’m 100% positive that if God intends for me to tell this man about my grandmother then He will give me the power to speak. It would be the man’s choice to seek out God. I would just be giving him a tiny bit of hope (or ammunition). I will pray for further answers.
It makes me sad to hear this man’s story and hear his grief. I truly feel compassion for him.
God’s answer to my prayers gives me full reassurance that His wisdom is real and it can help us. I just need to listen to that wisdom as it can be very subtle at times and can come in pieces, almost like a jigsaw puzzle.
This experience also got me thinking about God’s adversary. I’m picturing Satan smiling at what he has made out of this man.
A year ago, having someone mock my faith like this man did would have surely pushed me into a sorry state. Not today though!
I shared this story of faith, hardship and wisdom with you today in the hopes that you can share it with others; ones that can appreciate and/or benefit from it.
I am so grateful you are here.
I would love to hear your experiences with God’s wisdom.
Thank you for reading my post.
Have a great weekend,