Presenting Myself to God Series: Life Lesson with a Shade of Grey – #2

shades of grey

“Woe to those who call evil good and good evil, who put darkness for light and light for darkness, who put bitter for sweet and sweet for bitter.” – Isaiah 5:20

I bid you a warm welcome readers!

My heart continues to smile from being able to spread what brings love, joy and peace into my life. We are all courageous in discovering ourselves by communicating with others in our community.  Keep spreading the love that is God!

It is in this love, joy and peace that I would like to discuss a particular life lesson that I experienced in September 2014.  There is a special part of the Bible that I am reminded of when I think of this valuable lesson.  I would like to share it with you now:

“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.” – Romans 15:13

This passage, among others, helps me to understand why I was given this particular life lesson in September.  It was His way of bringing me closer to Him, as well as showing me that I can trust in Him, even though it took me a step back at first.  I am forever grateful for His power.

I feel you should know a little more about me before I write any further on the subject of this life lesson I was given in September.  A part of me doesn’t want to share this with you for the reason of being labeled, but I feel it is necessary to do so more people feel a sense of freedom to share their experiences.

Here goes…

Every since I was 4 years old I’ve had what appear to be spirits visit me at night.  As I’ve aged they have also come to me, unbidden, throughout the day.  I was scared by some for the reason that they were dark/shades of grey, only resembling a silloette of a person, and had an unpleasant nature to them.  I just had this knowing that they were not of this world.  Plus, anytime I would touch them, my hand would go straight through them.

It took me years to figure out that if I prayed to God to save me that they would go away immediately.  They did go away for awhile.  However, there are some that still come to me, with a big difference in nature, they have a sense of love and peace to them.  Most either are in color or a shade of bright light (like the moon).

I often think to myself, is this my imagination? Did I fall asleep?  However, I have this knowing that these spirits are something of the spirit world.  I believe in God and Jesus.  Why should I not believe in the discarnate too?  I don’t have the answers as to why I’m sensitive to sensing the spirit world.  Not sure if I ever will.  Although, I have this feeling it is to help those veering off their path to the love and protection of God, myself included.

Now here’s that shade of grey…

It took me over 30 years to find the willingness to speak up and ask others if they experience what I experience.  My first experience with that willingness was in September when I went looking for answers on Google.  First mistake.  I thought what I was experiencing to be astral travel from what my parents told me as a teenager (boy, were we wrong!).  So, I looked up astral projection on Google.  Came up with nothing local.  Then the word shamanism came into my head.  Don’t know why.  Maybe I was being tested, but didn’t know that a few short months ago.  I Googled shamanism and found a local shaman/healer/Reiki instructor.  I thought, “Hmm, healer?  What is a healer. What is Reiki?”  The first thought that came to mind of healing was Jesus.

I took the step to make contact with this local healer (let’s call her Stacie) by email.  Stacie responded immediately.  I told her what I had been experiencing all my life.  She was more than happy to help, at a price.  I felt like she was pitching me a sale for all her classes while I was chatting with her on the phone.  Never did I feel like she wanted to help me.  I told her I would have to think about taking the next step.  At the end of the conversation, she then told me that she believed in God and Jesus.  This sparked something in me.  Maybe for the fact that I felt a connection with her being a Christian.  She then reminded me how Jesus was a healer.  That should have been the moment that I hung up the phone as I felt like I was being manipulated.  There’s no way that what she is doing would resemble what Jesus did.  Otherwise, we would have heard of Stacie long ago.  However, I really didn’t trust my gut back then.  Plus, hearing that she believed in God and Jesus made me feel slightly less uncomfortable.  So, I setup a time to meet with her.

Two weeks had passed and I met up with Stacie and a few of her other followers.  My gut kept telling me the whole time, “Leave now, Brooke.  Leave as fast as you can.”  The more I got to know her the more I realized that God was nowhere near this women.  She had claimed to know Him and love Him, but I couldn’t feel His presence.  She did a healing demonstration for me.  The hand movements didn’t make sense to me and neither did the sage.  When were we going to pray?  We eventually did. That was the only holy moment that I felt during the whole time I was with her.  My first question was, why would God require these hand movements of His healers?  She didn’t have a direct answer.  Just that all faiths are present in Reiki and the hand movements are for protection.  That ‘s when it hit me loud and clear…always trust your gut….she was a fake.

God is always there to protect us.  We don’t need symbols or gadgets to have His protection.  What we need is to take the time to get to know Him, pray to Him and love Him.

Even if Stacie really does have the healing gift she is using it to help herself and not to bring people closer to God.  This is not God and not something I felt comfortable being a part of.  So, I told her that I couldn’t be a part of Reiki healing.  She told me that she would cease contact with me immediately.  It was all rather odd.  It happen so quickly.  Never once was she able to explain to me why I see spirits.  All she really wanted me for was to advance her own business.

In as little words as I could put it: I felt used and a small step farther from God.  I felt like I had not put full trust in Him.  However, I also felt like He spared me from further experiences with this unpleasant women that I had met.

I didn’t let this life lesson with a shade of grey hold me back from finding answers.  I prayed to God for answers and gave up on asking Google.  I should have prayed to God from the very beginning.  Guess what?  He answered me almost immediately through a person I met in my previous attempt to find answers.  She told me in an email, “Brooke, it sounds like you are a natural medium.”

I thought, “Natural medium?  What’s that?”  So, out of curiosity, I looked it up and found my dear friend, Lorraine’s, blog.  I read almost all her books and got the answers I’ve been looking for.  She has brought me closer to God and I am grateful.

I believe this life lesson was necessary to advance my faith in God.  He was there for me then and I trust He will be with me always.

“I will say of the LORD, He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.” – Psalm 91:2

So, now that I have some answers…how can I use these gifts to get myself and others closer to God’s love and protection?

This I hope to answer in my next post of this series.

Thank you for being.


Next post in the series: God is Love


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